A good friend once said that relationships are what make life unique. I would agree. The problem is that in order to find meaningful relationships that will last a lifetime, you need to let go of the ones that won't.
So what's the best way to move on? From my experience, both witnessing and experiencing breakups, these are the tips that I would say are the most helpful to moving on:
Disclaimer: I am still happily in my oh-so-wonderful relationship with the Texan. Consider this a PSA for all my newly single friends.
ONE: Stop talking about it to everyone: it's perfectly healthy to talk to your closest friends or family about why it's time for you to move on or the struggles that you're facing. It's not, however, healthy to discuss every update with every person that you come into contact with. If moving on is what you're trying to do, then take the person out of your vocabulary as much as possible. It's not enough to stop seeing the person, you need to also kick them out of your head. How could you ever meet someone new and give them a fair chance if your ex is still taking up so much space in your thoughts?
TWO: Don't talk badly about the other person: this one is so difficult because the first reaction after a breakup is to be pissed. Focusing on the negatives and using your precious time to relay negative information to friends only makes your ex's presence more prominent in your life. You aren't hurting them by talking about all of the bad things, you're hurting yourself. Focusing on all the bad that happened will only upset you more. If you were able to come to the decision that it's best to move on from someone, then you're working towards your best interests. Focusing on things that will upset you will only take away from that progress.
THREE: End all communication: this one is the most obvious, yet the most cheated. Communication with an ex will only do one of the following: (1) open the door to explore a possibility of things working out, when you already decided they shouldn't, (2) allow your heart to believe that things aren't as bad as they are, which won't last, or (3) postpone the bitter heartache, which you'll have to feel eventually. No matter what outcome you're hoping for, if you reached the conclusion that a relationship was not healthy for you, then you shouldn't be talking...through any forum.
FOUR: Don't let yourself think about it: even if you end all communication and have stopped discussing it, you still need to be able to control your thoughts. This one is the most difficult. It's so hard to get over someone when everything makes you think of them. After your anger subsides, the sadness kicks in and you remember all the good times. It's easy to pass the restaurant that you had your fist date at and let yourself relive the moment when you first felt butterflies. Don't. Don't let your mind go there. Yes, they may be happy memories, and yes, you may need to allow yourself to believe that it wasn't all bad. But that can come later. When you're over him, you can remember everything you went through with as much fondness as you want. During the process of getting over him though, just don't let yourself go there. Thinking about the good times and allowing yourself the memories of what was good will only weaken your resolve towards why things needed to end in the first place.
FIVE: Stay busy: being alone allows your mind to wander to what once was. You feel lonely so you remember a time when you weren't. The times that you weren't lonely were most likely the good times and not the bad. When you focus on the good times, you forget why you ended things in the first place. If you can keep your body busy then your mind will follow.
SIX: Embrace your fears: yes, you will be afraid that you won't love again. You'll fear that you'll be alone forever or that you let go of the best relationship that you could have had in this lifetime. There's no point in fighting that fear because no matter how rational you try to be or how many people tell you otherwise, those fears will still be present until you find someone else. The tricky part is that you can't find someone else while the fear still runs your life. If you're terrified that you won't ever find someone, then when you do, you won't be able to love with an open mind and heart because you'll be too focused on your fears. Embrace them. Know that so many people are right there with you. If you embrace the fact that you're scared of that future, you can come to terms with your irrational thoughts and become more stable in the dating process.
SEVEN: Find happiness in the little things: it will start small. You might feel a flicker of happiness because a passing stranger smiled at you during a day when you've had enough. Eventually, you'll start to feel excitement about making plans with friends and getting out of the house. The things that you find happiness in will become more and more frequent until the happiness outweighs the sadness. Recognize that the sadness is normal but don't let it take over your life. Know that you can move on.
Finally and most importantly, don't forget. A relationship that once meant so much to you is now over. That means that the negative outweighed the positive for one or both of you. When looking back, it's easier to remember the good times because the bad isn't happening at that moment. You have to stay strong, though. You have to remember why letting go was the best for you and you have to know that you'll find love again. Because I promise, you will. Just remember that the easiest and fastest way to get there is by moving on.
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